Bish!

So ... no more Chris Bosh on the Raps.

I for one am very happy. Thanks very much for all you've done for the franchise. Thanks for years of ball-stopping and padding your own stats so that you could get this contract and play with your favorite circle jerks. Yes, Chris Bosh, the worst marquee team player in the NBA has finally left the Raps. The most boring player in the league is gone. Holy shit was he ever boring to watch.

Of course when he was with us I stuck up for him ... and obviously I do believe that he is a great, great talent. I'm not going to lie though, I am truly glad he's gone. Fast paced basketball and Bosh are like oil and water, you should only mix them if you're going to make a fabulous salad dressing.

So where do the Raps go from here ... well ... hell if I know! Kleiza is a good start, signing Amir too ... but as far as getting a really big named star on the roster, I have no clue how they pull that off. Maybe they really don't need to. I'd be happy watching the young guys develop. It will certainly be interesting to see how Bargnani comes on now that Bosh is gone. I'm pulling for huge improvement.

Anyway Raptor fans, sit back, take a deep breath, raise your arms to the heavens ... and thank Buddha Bosh is gone. Boring basketball could very well be behind us here in TO.

Smoothing Feathers - The Michael Bolton Edition

Screen Caps by the Nac Daddy:

Clusterfuck at the West End YMCA

nervous tension
a day in waiting
it has been so long
freshly laundered shirt
remains mildly stinky
double the eco-friendly detergent
next time
jump in the car, erase the wash's high-fived earthy sentiment
and cruise through Parkdale
blasting reggae
VD pops in
we're off to the Y
nervous tension
as we change
prepare
$20 Reeboks
locker 381
freshly laundered shirt
remains mildly stinky
ready
to the gym we ascend
and open the door
to terror
the Y
is a bball clusterfuck

Great Moves for 31 Year Old Rec League or Playground Players with Bad Legs

The Loaf - This isn't a move so much as it is a way of being ... a way of life ... a giant fuck you to all those hot shots that want to drive the lane in your game. And it's so simple ... Park yourself in the middle of the key, arms down at your side, and don't plan on making any moves that are more than half a meter to either side of you. The loaf works best after a heavy pasta meal about 45 minutes before the game, followed by a large glass of water to give you that extra girth. Make sure you swell up really nice like. Make sure your post opponent knows that the loaf is filled with what I like to call multi-grained pain by tripping he or she up with little seedy shots whenever they pass. Nothing mean ... just a few little elbows to the ribs (as we have learned about already) and loaf-like trash talking when they are in the post (your mama's bread goes stale within the hour ... or ... you call that a crouton?!?!). And finally, when those aforementioned drives start coming in ... give em' the ol' dough is rising by waiting until the last minute, throwing your arms straight up in the air, but at the same time turning your head and pushing your upper chest into their jump at such an angle that you avoid getting hurt yet give them the loafiest power stop they have likely ever had on the drive.

Songs Forever Tied To Bball - Born on the Bayou

I can't remember if it was NBA Inside Stuff, a documentary I got from the Waterloo Public Library, or some other venue ... but whenever I hear Born on the Bayou by CCR the image of Pistol Pete Maravich cruising down an NBA court in slow motion is immediately conjured up in my mind.

The song's slow muddy, yet at the same time frenetic vibe reminds me of a young boy playing basketball on some old, mossy court, with the swampy bayou wilderness in the background. It's one of the perfect songs for a hot summer afternoon's game. The kind of days in which the heat forces a lazy introspection on you and you can truly visualize the moves that are going to come to you next, but at the same time you force nothing as your muscles are so relaxed by the heat. The kind of song that helps you melt into the game.

The song really fit the atmosphere of one of the courts I played on profusely. Middle of large field ... a forest about 200 meters in the distance ... a sink for the hottest summer heat.

Great Moves for 31 Year Old Rec League or Playground Bball Players with Bad Legs (part deux)

Welcome to the second instalment of GMF31YORLOPBPWBL. I believe it very important to give back to my community, thus the verbal basketball clinics you receive in these posts. Use them well my beautiful children.

The Fit - Throw a fit ... arms flailing, jumping around, and of course cursing. Oh! ... and don't forget to seem remorseful afterward. The simplicity of the fit can be deceiving. You have to really sell it. Freak the hell out.

This bastard post has been a draft for a month ... so fuck it ... that's all for today ... one fucking move.

More to come!!!

Living the Life of a Preseason Gaaad

Thanks to a wonderful cougar and my handsome friend Kyle romancing some tickets out of her, I was able to attend last night's second Raptor's preseason game ... courtside ... 7 rows up ... heaven!!!

The game was actually stupendous. The young guys got most of the burn for certain, but with the game being played at such a frenetic pace one couldn't help but enjoy.

A few guys really stuck out to me.

Firstly Sonny Weems. Energy, athleticism, dunk after dunk. He was the best player on the court that night.

Secondly, Reggie Evans. Grit, tenacity, passion. He is as billed thus far and I don't care what the other Raptor bloggers write when they say that allowing him to get the ball could be the best defensive play any team makes, he is a hugely important addition to this team. Not only for what he brings on the court, but also for how he can inspire his fellow Raps.

The final piece that I have been greatly impressed with is Marcus Banks. I believe that his on court leadership and hustle have been completely the opposite of what I was expecting, making me realize that we didn't really get to see this guy last year and might actually have a nice piece on our hands. It just goes to show how the hype machine can really get carried away as most Raptors fans completely dismissed Banks as a good-for-nothing, end of the bench salary eater.

The three people that can do better in my mind ... Calderon, Jack and Bellinelli. I'm not worried about them though as their games will surely pick up in the next two weeks.